Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
