Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i've created a new STD.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
