CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
