Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Panties = found
Randomize
