Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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