wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
