I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hippo gnu deer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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