When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
