he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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