Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
