he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
