just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
