you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
