i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
