Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
