I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
