Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
