I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
