he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
