Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
