I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
