Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
