You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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