i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
