For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
