six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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