I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
