I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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