I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
