you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
