the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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