i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
