I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
