I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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