What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
