There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
