over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
