I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
