i jhust puked up my retainher.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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