im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
