Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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