Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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