your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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