Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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