Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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