My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it because I queefed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
