Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
