no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
