I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
