we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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