When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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