If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
