There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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