so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
