garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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