It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
