Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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